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Is it ok to be happy and sad and mad? {Fellan, E'lis}


Kouga
 

It had been a couple of sevendays since the hatching and Fellan could
still easily say that the whole thing was still not as happy as it
should be. He remember the last time there had been an earth shake
with eggs and had heard of the one before and it was hard. But that
wasn't the only reason. He was really sad about the little dragons
that didn't hatch yes, it was why he had been glad to be able to help
with the uniforms for them cause he got to see them up close, sortta,
and make sure they were ok.

At the same time though he couldn't help but to be sad too. Yes sad
for the lost dragons, but also sad that this was yet another hatching
where he hadn't been able to be involved especially after Razelth
ended up pulling people from the crowds and one dragon even came to
the stands. Was it wrong of him to be sad and maybe even a bit mad
that he couldn't be out there?

He /knew/ he wasn't broken, but he couldn't help at times like this
still thinking that maybe he was. It was his problems, his bring
broken, that put him into this situation after all. He couldn't he a
candidate because he couldn't hear or speak. Sure he could try to
speak, he knew he could, but what was the point? He didn't know what
words were supposed to sound like out loud. He knew the words sure
they were in his head from talking to dragons and whers, but out loud?
He couldn't even pretend he knew what they were supposed to sound like
from his mouth even if he did know the shape of his mouth from
learning to read lips.

The 12 turn old couldn't help the continued spiral of his thoughts and
after an unknown amount of time sitting on his cot running an oil
cloth over sharp he made the decision. He carefully move the still
growing gold off his lap and grabbed some hide. He had a free day and
he needed to talk and he knew who would be perfect. He wrote out a
quick note before attaching it to Sharp and sending the gold off to
E'lis with his note hoping his PapaE'lis had time it was simple and
read:

~~Papa do you have some free time? Can we meet up if you do?~~

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 

"Thank you, Sharp," said E'lis to the firelizard with a stroke and a scritch. "Luna, would you please tell Fellan that I'd love to see him?"

((Hello, little one,)) Lunakath greeted Fellan. ((E'lis would love to meet you as soon as you are able. Where should he go to find you?))

***

The 12 turn old couldn't help the continued spiral of his thoughts and
after an unknown amount of time sitting on his cot running an oil
cloth over sharp he made the decision. He carefully move the still
growing gold off his lap and grabbed some hide. He had a free day and
he needed to talk and he knew who would be perfect. He wrote out a
quick note before attaching it to Sharp and sending the gold off to
E'lis with his note hoping his PapaE'lis had time it was simple and
read:

~~Papa do you have some free time? Can we meet up if you do?~~  


Kouga
 

"Thank you, Sharp," said E'lis to the firelizard with a stroke and a scritch. "Luna, would you please tell Fellan that I'd love to see him?"
((Hello, little one,)) Lunakath greeted Fellan. ((E'lis would love to
meet you as soon as you are able. Where should he go to find you?))<<

Fellan managed a smile at the blue's voice glad for the noise. It
might seem odd for someone who had been deaf nearly since birth to
dislike silence, but well he did. Maybe it was because he had so many
Mamas and Papas and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and they
all had so many dragons and whers. He didn't know and he hadn't met
anyone else like him to ask if they felt the same. He could do it for
a while, but it was always nice when he got the chance to talk with
one of the dragonetics that could well talk. Sharp and Storm were
perfect in their own ways, but talking to them just wasn't the same.
[[I am in the barracks. Can we meet alone? Quite spot at the lake
maybe?]] he thought back knowing Luna knowing the blue would be
listening.

He gathered himself up he quickly pulled on his boots and glanced
around for a moment. He out of habit grabbed his slate and chalk and
hooked it to his belt. Storm was absent so he knew he would just have
to watch for the blue and hope he hadn't gotten into anything. Once he
was sure he had everything and that he had properly stored away the
oil and clothes he used for Storm and Sharp he set out towards the
lake. Part way there he was met by Sharp who landed on his shoulder
and proceeded to tell him about the nice scratches she had gotten from
E'lis which are what had held her up. He offered mental reauurance
that he didn't mind the gold's delay as he offered her a scratch on
her chin earning a happy hum in reply.

As the lake came close enough he glanced around for a place that
didn't have too many people at it and headed that way. He felt like he
just didn't want to he overheard right now it just didn't seem right
because what if he really was broken for the way he felt? He didn't
need anyone but PapaE'lis knowing.

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Doria


Aaron
 

((Your Papa comes now. You will not wait for long. If you do not say no, I want to stay with you, too. But if you want just Papa, I will go away after I leave him with you,)) said Lunakath, and very soon after, be the blue landed with E'lis in tow by the lake where Fellan waited.

E'lis slid down from Luna's back and rushed to Fellan. When he reached the boy, he knelt and opened his arms to offer a hug and a smile.

***

As the lake came close enough he glanced around for a place that
didn't have too many people at it and headed that way. He felt like he
just didn't want to he overheard right now it just didn't seem right
because what if he really was broken for the way he felt? He didn't
need anyone but PapaE'lis knowing.


Kouga
 

((Your Papa comes now. You will not wait for long. If you do not say no, I want to stay with you, too. But if you want just Papa, I will go away after I leave him with you,)) said Lunakath, and very soon after, be the blue landed with E'lis in tow by the lake where Fellan waited.
E'lis slid down from Luna's back and rushed to Fellan. When he reached
the boy, he knelt and opened his arms to offer a hug and a smile.<<

[[You can always stay Luna.]] Fellan promised the blue as he watched
the skies knowing they shouldn't be too far behind him. When Lunakath
landed the twelve turn old was reminded that it was moments like this
he truly missed the ability to speak. Fellan wished he could yell out
his joy as seeing E'lis and knowing that it would be better, maybe not
ok, but PapaE'lis would make it better that was always the case. Still
that didn't stop him from grinning and wrapping his arms around E'lis
not hearing Sharp's hiss of protest at the sudden movement, but
feeling when she took off from his shoulder for now. He knew the
little gold wouldn't go far, but still mentally reached out to
apologize for forcing her to move.

Fellan wished he could just stay like this, somewhere where he didn't
feel funny feelings, but he couldn't and after several long moments he
finally pulled away from E'lis. ::Hello PapaE'lis. I have missed
you.:: sure it hadn't been /that/ long since he saw the bluerider, but
it had been longer than it used too. With him being a big boy and a
crafter now he couldn't see his family as much as he used to be able
to when he was only a little brat in the creche. It made the time
between visits seem lots longer then it was at times ::How have you
and Lunakath been?:: he added after a short pause they looked ok, but
he had to ask.

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 

::Hello, buddy,:: E'lis signed with a huge smile after Fellan broke the hug. :: I'm happy to see you – we missed you, too. We've been well. How is your learning going?::

E'lis, too, had noticed that with both he and his kids having work schedules, it made seeing each other more sporadic. But in some ways, that made spending time together that much more special.

***

Fellan wished he could just stay like this, somewhere where he didn't
feel funny feelings, but he couldn't and after several long moments he
finally pulled away from E'lis. ::Hello PapaE'lis. I have missed
you.:: sure it hadn't been /that/ long since he saw the bluerider, but
it had been longer than it used too. With him being a big boy and a
crafter now he couldn't see his family as much as he used to be able
to when he was only a little brat in the creche. It made the time
between visits seem lots longer then it was at times ::How have you
and Lunakath been?:: he added after a short pause they looked ok, but
he had to ask.


Kouga
 

:Hello, buddy,:: E'lis signed with a huge smile after Fellan broke the hug. :: I'm happy to see you – we missed you, too. We've been well. How is your learning going?::
E'lis, too, had noticed that with both he and his kids having work
schedules, it made seeing each other more sporadic. But in some ways,
that made spending time together that much more special.<<

Fellan considered for several long moments trying to decide the best
way to reply, or rather what the reply was before finally coming to a
decision ::Hard.:: it was like back when he was leaning to read and
talk with his hands all at once only with less direct help most days.
::When TailorWynn is around to help it is easier, I like working with
her. She is lots better at signing now and it helps. When she isn't
there though I have to read the Master and Journeymen's lips and that
is harder when they aren't always facing me. I don't think most of
them try to either though.:: he replied. He knew it was going to be
harder for him, and that it would be harder to get the teachers to
well teach him so it didn't overly both him, but it was nice to have
someone who was willing to work with him.

ooc: started a reply yesterday, got distracted making up a list for
Fellan's Personal Sign for people he knows ... it lived on his sheet
on the Wizzy if ya wanna see it though it isn't done yet but i think
it has all the names on there at least ... i figure his poor Mamas and
Papas had the 'worst' names where he would have made them when he was
so little heh

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 

Fellan considered for several long moments trying to decide the best
way to reply, or rather what the reply was before finally coming to a
decision ::Hard.:: it was like back when he was leaning to read and
talk with his hands all at once only with less direct help most days.
::When TailorWynn is around to help it is easier, I like working with
her. She is lots better at signing now and it helps. When she isn't
there though I have to read the Master and Journeymen's lips and that
is harder when they aren't always facing me. I don't think most of
them try to either though.:: he replied. He knew it was going to be
harder for him, and that it would be harder to get the teachers to
well teach him so it didn't overly both him, but it was nice to have
someone who was willing to work with him.

E'lis nodded as he "listened" to his son. It was difficult not to be able to do more to help him, but he would do whatever he could. He always did.

::Would you like me to have a talk with them?:: he asked. He was fully prepared to give any and all of them an earful for not treating Fellan with respect.


Kouga
 

E'lis nodded as he "listened" to his son. It was difficult not to be able to do more to help him, but he would do whatever he could. He always did.
::Would you like me to have a talk with them?:: he asked. He was fully
prepared to give any and all of them an earful for not treating Fellan
with respect.<<

Fellan considered the question for a moment before shaking his head
::Not yet. I want to keep trying first. If it gets too bad though I
will see if you or TailorWynn or someone else can go with me to talk
to them. I want to try talking myself if it needs that.:: he finally
replied thinking that he didn't want to seem like he was being a
little brat, he just wanted to make sure he was getting the attention
he should be. Besides it shouldn't be too hard to face them when
talking to the apprentices as a class, should it?

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 


Fellan considered the question for a moment before shaking his head
::Not yet. I want to keep trying first. If it gets too bad though I
will see if you or TailorWynn or someone else can go with me to talk
to them. I want to try talking myself if it needs that.:: he finally
replied thinking that he didn't want to seem like he was being a
little brat, he just wanted to make sure he was getting the attention
he should be. Besides it shouldn't be too hard to face them when
talking to the apprentices as a class, should it?

E'lis smiled proudly at his eldest son. He really was a remarkable lad. Still, he was prepared to step in if he had to. Not everyone was as willing to accommodate as they ought to have been.

::You can do it,:: he signed. ::But if you need help, you know your parents are all here for you, and TailorWynn, too.::


Kouga
 

E'lis smiled proudly at his eldest son. He really was a remarkable lad. Still, he was prepared to step in if he had to. Not everyone was as willing to accommodate as they ought to have been.
::You can do it,:: he signed. ::But if you need help, you know your
parents are all here for you, and TailorWynn, too.::<<

Fellan nodded quickly ::I know PapaE'lis.:: he promised and he did his
family had all learned a new way to talk just for him after all and
Wynn was learning too. It actually made him feel really wanted. Not
that his family didn't make him feel loved more just that the tailor
had gone out of her way to learn a whole new way to talk just for him.
The thought actually made him feel even worse about everything
actually and he couldn't help frowning at himself and asking for the
who knew number of time ::Papa E'lis am I broken?::. He asked so many
times not all to E'lis, he had probably asked all the adult members of
his extended family at least once, but the problem was there was
always more to the thought that he forgot to ask in this case it was
his feelings about the hatching, but it had been other things before.

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 


The thought actually made him feel even worse about everything
actually and he couldn't help frowning at himself and asking for the
who knew number of time ::Papa E'lis am I broken?::. He asked so many
times not all to E'lis, he had probably asked all the adult members of
his extended family at least once, but the problem was there was
always more to the thought that he forgot to ask in this case it was
his feelings about the hatching, but it had been other things before.

::No, my son,:: said E'lis. He had answered the question as such as many times as Fellan had asked. ::You are good enough just the way you are.:: He offered a hug, if the boy wanted one.


Kouga
 

::No, my son,:: said E'lis. He had answered the question as such as many times as Fellan had asked. ::You are good enough just the way you are.:: He offered a hug, if the boy wanted one.<<
Fellan considered the hug, he did, and it was very clear he wanted it,
but he had to understand first. He just had to! ::Then PapaE'lis. Why
am I so happy and sad and mad? Hatchings are happy and I am happy for
all the new baby dragons, but we had lost baby dragons too and that's
sad, and PapaE'lis I still want to be out there. Is it wrong to be mad
that they didn't hatch and come find me? If they didn't want any of
them they could have me. I would take one of them PapaE'lis. If the
candidates weren't good enough why did they have to die? I don't want
to be mad about it makes me sad and mad at myself that I could think I
am better than them, or that maybe that was why the baby dragons
didn't hatch. I heard about it happening before back when the
candidates couldn't get to the sands and the little dragons couldn't
find their riders so they died after hatching. I just...:: he
explained, unable to help fumbling a bit as he kept trying to 'talk'
faster in his rush to get everything out before his hands just dropped
as he couldn't find the words to explain.

Sharp, who didn't like the turn in her Pet's thoughts, but also sadly
couldn't exactly do anything to save him from his own thoughts was not
pleased with this. She hunkered down on his shoulder trying to comfort
him as much as she could, but well she wasn't sure what was wrong just
that it had to do with the recent eggs and he big ones.

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian


Aaron
 

I just...:: he
explained, unable to help fumbling a bit as he kept trying to 'talk'
faster in his rush to get everything out before his hands just dropped
as he couldn't find the words to explain.

Sharp, who didn't like the turn in her Pet's thoughts, but also sadly
couldn't exactly do anything to save him from his own thoughts was not
pleased with this. She hunkered down on his shoulder trying to comfort
him as much as she could, but well she wasn't sure what was wrong just
that it had to do with the recent eggs and he big ones.

E'lis did not hide the sympathy on his face. His eyes even misted. He understood, or at least, he could try to understand where his son was coming from.

::Feelings are complex things,:: he signed. ::Sometimes we feel lots of different things at the same time, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's not your fault that the eggs didn't hatch. It was the earthquake. I know you want to be out there Standing with the others. And if I made the rules, I would give you the chance. But I don't... I'm sorry.::


Kouga
 

E'lis did not hide the sympathy on his face. His eyes even misted. He understood, or at least, he could try to understand where his son was coming from.
::Feelings are complex things,:: he signed. ::Sometimes we feel lots
of different things at the same time, and it doesn't mean there's
anything wrong with you. It's not your fault that the eggs didn't
hatch. It was the earthquake. I know you want to be out there Standing
with the others. And if I made the rules, I would give you the chance.
But I don't... I'm sorry.::<<

::I know PapaE'lis. I know you and PapaD'lan and all my Mamas would
let me be out there. I just don't understand why they won't. I can
hear Luna, Hobath, Ravid, and all the others just fine and they can
hear me if they want to. I can even talk to Sharp and Strom just fine
and I make sure they get lots of training. Why does it matter that I
can't hear you or use my voice to talk to you? I know it is harder,
but why does it matter that much?:: Fellan didn't actually expect an
answer, wasn't even sure he wanted one, more just it had been alot and
he was upset in way he couldn't even begin to explain or maybe even
understand. For now it had to be enough that E'lis said it was ok to
be feeling lots of things ::Can I have that hug now?:: he asked after
a pause.

*Kouga*

Join the Aywas fun - http://aywas.com/register.php?ref=768

"My personality is 30% the last anime I watched." - Tumblr
"Remind me never to get out our bad side. It seems to be ...
unhealthy." - Varric
"Death By Apple Pie a lovely poem by our friend Cole" - Dorian