Re: First Chance to See the Shiny atten: Andreya/Trifali/Shalia/Kashara/Rassia
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In the day or two that it had been since she’d talked with Kassia about the gold lecture and the Weyrwoman had mentioned Andreya, and the rest of the girls related to Kassia, were going to be able to see the gold eggs before any of the other gold-hopefuls, Andreya had been thinking about that a lot. But it wasn’t what anyone would have expected a girl who was so excited about the pair of golden eggs on the Sands to be thinking about, not at all.
Instead, the Harper-candidate was a bit stuck on the unfairness of the offer, not toward *her* but toward the rest of the gold-hopefuls. She’d been totally truthful when she'd told Kassia she was honored that Foreth was willing to let her and the rest of Kassia’s daughters see the eggs early, that hadn’t been a lie. But then she’d thought about the gold lecture and the mention of ‘influencing the Impression’ by seeing the eggs, and she’d not been able to get that out of her head.
So, she’d made herself think beyond the absolutely amazing opportunity of being able to see the gold eggs first and considered the other possible consequences of the early egg-viewing being offered to her, Trifali, and Kassia’s daughters. Whether she accepted the upcoming invitation from Kassia and Foreth to view the eggs early *or* declined it, she realized that she’d be staked out for Thread either way!
If she accepted the offer to see the eggs early, like she *very* much wanted to, she’d anger the other female candidates who were gold-hopefuls and who had been candidates for so much longer than her. In the process she could also end up burning some of the bridges and connections she’d made with those girls, which could come back to haunt her *if* one of the girls who was most upset with her impressed either of the twin golds. On the other hand, if she declined, as respectfully as possible, then she was nearly positive that Kassia would be disappointed or upset and *absolutely* sure that Foreth would be angry with her. And on top of that, she knew that if she declined that she’d be unable to return to assisting Kassia, even in the little bit of free time candidates had normally between a Clutching and the Hatching, until she *had* gotten to see the eggs with the rest of the girls. She only hoped that the Weyrwoman and her Gold were not *so* upset with her as to ban her from Standing for the clutch altogether or refusing to let her continue to be Kassia’s assistant, although she didn’t think that was likely to happen.
This decision was...something that could be the beginning of the politics of being a goldrider, if she was worthy enough to be a lifemate to one of the twin golds on the Sands. Deciding between these two choices when both options would end up with people unhappy or upset with her, not to mention any potential far reaching consequences of choosing one way or another, was a problem that weighed heavy on her mind...And, if that was the only consideration then Andreya would have been stuck considering pros and cons of either option for days up until Kassia requested them all to meet outside the Hatching Caverns, but there was more for Andreya to consider.
Honestly, what bothered Andreya more than the possibility of burning bridges and connections with the other gold-hopeful candidates, as regrettable politically as *that* would be, was the idea of ‘influencing the Impression’ by being allowed to see the gold eggs before any of the other gold-hopefuls. It wasn’t just the huge amount of favoritism and special treatment that Foreth and Kassia were directing to those girls who were related to the Weyrwoman, but it was the idea that *because* of that special treatment she was being given, that this opportunity could ‘influence’ either of the twin gold’s Impression.
As she contemplated that thought, she realized that if she *did* accept Foreth’s offer to see the eggs before the other gold-hopefuls and if she did actually Impress to one of the golds that she would always wonder if she had Impressed the gold because of this opportunity to ‘influence’ who the gold Impressed to. She’d always wonder if she had Impressed the gold because of the special treatment given her because of who she was related to instead of being actually worthy of Impressing the gold because of who *she* was, herself. She’d always wonder...if any potential opportunity to see the eggs early and ‘influence’ the golds had made it so that she had *stolen* the gold hatchling from the girl who might have been meant to Impress and be a goldrider.
With that hanging over her head, Andreya then considered what had been said during the gold lecture and the questions that had been asked. There had been a lot of discussion about the challenges and difficulties that goldriders face instead of the positive aspects of impressing gold, which made sense as that lecture was to make sure that those who went on the Sands were absolutely positive they wanted to be there with the chance they could impress gold. But, considering all the difficulties that come with being the lifemate to a golden hide, if Andreya did happen to impress gold after possibly ‘influencing’ the gold with an early egg-viewing she didn’t want there to even be a *hint* of a thought that she might have ‘stolen’ the gold from another girl, even in the depths of her own mind. She wanted to be absolutely, unequivocally, for sure and certain that she’d Impressed a gold because *she* was worthy of being that gold’s lifemate.
Ultimately, if she saw the eggs early and then Impressed one of the golds, she’d always have that doubt that she was actually worthy herself, and having that doubt could keep her from being the best lifemate possible to that gold. So, she realized that in order to actually make sure she *was* the best and most worthy lifemate for either of those golds on the sands, to prove it not just to Foreth, to Kassia, to the twin golds in their eggs, to everyone, and even to *herself*, that she needed to decline this opportunity granted to her just because of who she was related to and wait to see the eggs with the rest of the gold candidates.
And so, with the decision made, when Kassia sent out word for Andreya to meet her outside the Caverns with Trifali and Kassia’s daughters, Andreya was ready. She met the Weyrwoman and the rest of her relatives outside the Cavern and listened to Kassia. She smiled a little as her half-sister declared that she wanted to Stand for the gold egg and headed inside the Cavern. She waited after Shalia spoke, waiting for Kassia’s response to Shalia saying she didn’t want to Impress a Gold, and when the conversation between mother and daughter was finished Andreya gave Shalia a smile too but didn’t reply. Even with as much as she and Shalia talked, she’d not talked with Shalia about *this*, so the other girl didn’t know what Andreya was about to say.
Finally, steeling herself for the anger she was probably going to receive from them both, Andreya faced Kassia. She stood in her candidate uniform, still nice looking and not at all dirty because it was still morning, with her hair braided back tightly and the only accessory being the leather belt she had worn since becoming a candidate around her waist to help the fit of the sleeveless candidate uniform shirt. She stood tall and confident, even with what she was about to say, giving off a clear idea that this was not a spur of the moment decision, that it had been well thought out.
She began with a respectful dip of her head to Kassia, saying “Good morning, Lady Kassia. As I’ve mentioned before when we talked after the gold lecture, I do still intend to Stand with the twin golds on the Sands.”
Andreya paused here a moment before continuing on and saying confidently but with a tone of polite yet respectful apology in her voice. “I do, very much, appreciate Foreth agreeing to let us see the eggs early. It is an amazing opportunity, truly, and I am so grateful for the honor Foreth is offering us today. However, after consideration...I don’t feel comfortable accepting her offer. And it’s not because I don’t want to see every single one of her beautiful eggs, I would love to see them all! But because it feels a little unfair to be able to see the eggs before the rest of the gold-hopefuls, most of whom have been gold-hopeful candidates much longer than I have. You mention that us getting to see the eggs now, before everyone else, could influence the eggs and give us a better chance of Impressing one of the golds. And while I would be honored if one of Foreth’s golden daughters chose me, I would feel unworthy of the Impression if I thought it was because I’d had the opportunity to influence either of the twin gold’s impression before any of the other girls had the same opportunity, and Impressing with that idea hanging around that I wasn’t worthy could potentially lead to me struggling with that Impression. I want to be the best and most worthy lifemate possible, especially if it’s one of her golden daughters that choses me. I feel that in order to be the best lifemate to her, I am afraid I have to decline seeing the eggs before the other candidates.”
When she finished, she still stood just as straight and confident as she had before she’d started speaking while she waited to hear how the Weyrwoman and her Gold would react...
On Sat, Aug 1, 2020 at 11:09 PM Kevin M <LrdSlvrhnd@...> wrote: